What scares me the most

In reality, most people are afraid of growing old and dying, spiders and house bugs, but me? No, I’m afraid of losing my memories.  I write it all down and stress about not writing certain things down and forgetting to write things down.

It’s amazing the anxiety I feel, Honestly just now noticing and figuring out who I am and what I’m capable of.  No matter how long I go without writing I feel this anxious need to get to a point where I write most of whatever the hell has been going on in my whole life down!  I never do.. get it Allllllllll written down but I most certainly try.

I have Journaled for both of my girls, to write directly to them about their current selves soon to be passed selves. I write in a business journal/dreams/Soon to be business ideas. I write in a big personal Journal current updates about relationships, jobs, and family. I write in a journal that is specifically about relationships…when BIG things happen lol. I try to update monthly or bi-monthly though I should definitely do it more often.

I’ll get there….

I watched my mom’s favorite grandma look her in her face and not know who she was.  I plan to ask my children for their patience if this were to happen to me or my mother or them… And to just read. Memories to us.  There is no cure or even close to a resolution for Alzheimers disease. They don’t know what causes it and they don’t know how hereditary it is.  So I guess you could say it must have been somewhat of a traumatizing experience, realizing that people can forget everything they have ever known.

Including but not limited to motor skills as well.  You could forget how to eat. Not that I need to incorporate these worries into my life and  I don’t but .. Hey, Greatest fear?  My memories… God let me keep my memories, let me die with my memories!

 

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