My life was literally turned upside down, on top of my head merely a few months ago. I had to pull every ounce of strength I never knew I had to get through the whirlwind of continuous bullshit that was thrown in my direction.
The greatest thing about strength is that it is GIVEN to you when you need it most. It is already deep within you awaiting your toughest battles you may never see coming, but none the less, You can never reach a cap when it comes to strength. “Top off my strength, please?? ”
No one could ever understand how the internal self-prepared me for that fire, years before it ever occurred. I had nightmares about it … I asked my mom to build me a chest for my books almost 3 months before – to receive it the night before the fire. I had packed up some unused dishes and put them in the garage which I desperately ended up needing once I moved into my new place.
You see… I do not look at the fire as being a bad thing. I never have… Yes, It hurts to think about the loss left in that place. It hurts to think about the legal consequences due to my lack of insurance and responsibility on keeping up with the Rent. Yes, It hurts.. to look back even in that direction of my life. It burns. It hurts. But I can’t be upset about it. I can only be grateful.
I am grateful the universe works the way it does and gave me back every single item that I thought I had lost forever. I was able to recover much more from my old burned up home than I ever thought I would. I received a massive amount of donations in children’s clothes and toys. Even clothes for myself. My peers stepped up and helped me in many ways, just helping me to keep a strong foot on the ground was enough to push me even further into a better place.
I am grateful because where I was living before the fire was really uninhabitable, and had been. I had an awful landlord, The house was ready to collapse anyways- built in the 1800’s it was leaning towards the street, so when you walked towards the kitchen you were walking uphill, and towards the living room, you were walking downhill, and it had issues with mold.
My new apartment is spacious, big with 2 floors and a basement. I now have a washer and dryer and plenty of space for my little ones to run their energy out every day :). I have a huge kitchen with plenty of pantry and cabinet space, and also, I now have a kitchen table where my daughter’s and I are making new memories.
I am humbled, I am grateful. I will never look back on my past with regrets. I have sealed every piece of my life with my authentic signature. If I did anything different, If I changed one simple thing from my past, I would disappear. I am ME because of everything I have been through.. I have made many mistakes, I have learned many lessons. I do not give up easily, even though it always seemed like I could. I have vastly improved from the person I started out being fresh out of high school, to the strong, loving mother of 2 that I am now. I wouldn’t change anything, not ONE thing from my past.. and this fire. Has helped really seal the deal for WHO I am, and what I stand for.
Tattooed on my right shoulder, I will never change the statement, as I mean it with my WHOLE heart.